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An Open Letter to the Graveyard

Apr. 8th, 2016 | 08:58 pm
Wanderlusting: The Plaza Premium Lounge, Hong Kong International Airport
Feeling: hopeful
Listening to: Bittersweet Symphony - The Verve


I will be the first to admit to you that I am no perfect leader. Like you, I question, I doubt, and I second-guess myself. And those endless soliloquies about love, life, and everything in between? I have those too. Yes, I'm human. I enjoy writing, but I don't write as much now as I did before. There's something ephemeral to speech that, to me, once words are said they can easily be forgotten. Written words on the other hand, if we can embolden ourselves to keep them in some kind of permenant form, can have much deeper meaning. That's what writing does for me. That's partly why I want to write this letter to you reading this.

I want you to know that I appreciate you. I appreciate all of your hard work. I want you to know that you have built something truly great. I don't think you really see it, at least not from my point of view. Not until someone gives you the recognition, and if it's worth anything at all coming from me, I want you to know that you have greatness in you. I see it, but more importantly, I hope eventually that you can come to the realization for yourselves. My tenure is coming to an end with you, as you are all well aware and I have grown quite close to all of you in such a short time. Perhaps it's all of those late nights together? Anyway, I believe that people can make a significant difference in other people's lives in a short period of time. I hope that when you look back, you see me in good light.

I want to close this letter with a lesson in history, in light of some recent events, as I believe one's past can predict one's future. In 1867, when Samuel Maverick refused to brand his cattle he wouldn't have known that his name would enter into the English language as being synonymous with stubborn independent-mindedness. In fact, Samuel Maverick was disinterested in cattle ranching at the time as well as being a stubborn and independent cattle rancher. His unbranded cattle, which were not part of the herd, were the ones known as "mavericks."

That's what you all are in my book. You are not part of the herd, and you never were.    

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Melville's Mt. Greylock

Apr. 3rd, 2016 | 01:16 am
Wanderlusting: Wan Chai, Hong Kong
Feeling: apathetic
Listening to: noisy airconditioning vent

As I've grown older and maybe wiser over the years, I am convinced that life repeats itself in phases. At least for me it does. I've been lucky and perhaps unlucky enough to appreciate the full range of emotions that accompany the experience. Let me explain. For some people, it could mean a 'do-over' of life as they know it, like if Harry never met Sally or if Warhol never met a can of Campbell's tomato soup. Then again, who's to say that Harry wouldn't meet Sarah and Warhol a can of Pepsi? Life is funny that way, I guess. Personally, I believe the Universe has a plan for everyone, and that all of us at certain times in each other's lives has a role to play. Ultimately, in the great scheme of things, and where I tend to see the most angst and confusion, is when people are left to make sense of each other and the roles we play. There are so many nuances that go into people making sense of other people that entire books and college courses are dedicated to people making sense of other people, so I won't dwell on it here.

In 2009, I was not much wiser, but I was back in Wan Chai pondering life, much as I always do, thinking about what the Universe has planned for me. Over the past few months, I've met some truly interesting people and for the first time since 2009, I don't know how to feel. I am sure of this, however, I can't stop thinking about you.

But, if Melville never lived at Arrowhead and saw Mount Greylock, would there still be a Moby Dick? My guess is yes. But I also think the story would be slightly different because he wouldn't have the same muse.

Timing matters. Thanks a lot, Universe.

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the otherside

Jul. 19th, 2012 | 01:57 am
Feeling: sleepy
Listening to: static

I seem to be treading on the otherside of the coin these days. I have no regrets however, and given the chance, I don't think that I would have acted differently to change the outcome. What is this coin I speak of, you might ask? What choises did I have to make that would alter my outcome? Well, that's all behind me now. A path trodden without direction or purpose, the destination of which unknown. Had it not been for faithful misstep, I would not have but a journey to call my own.

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Jun. 19th, 2012 | 10:58 pm
Feeling: discontent
Listening to: Paradise - Coldplay

When it rains, it pours...and when it pours, it floods. That's what happens when the Universe throws you off balance. The ratios change, and it seems like you're the only one getting caught in the rain.

It's cold, lonely, and it's relentless. The rain could care less about your weathered clothing, the quality of your umbrella, or your rain proof clogs. It doesn't stop, and it blinds you as you try to walk faster, and faster out of the rain. Your heart races as you try to get out and take shelter under a permitting roof. Until you have to go out again, but this time, it's harder. Your clothes feel heavy, you're colder now, and everyone around you is a stranger...a passerby dealing with the same troubles.

Could it be a passing cloud? Time decides that. In the meantime, we're all just going to have to face the rain. Sometimes, I hate getting caught in it.

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The Universe

Apr. 12th, 2012 | 12:27 am
Feeling: tired
Listening to: Twisted Logic - Coldplay

It's been almost two years since I've last posted something on my livejournal. I don't think anyone uses it anymore. I've never really mustered up the courage to delete it. Somehow, I feel that I owe something to this old haphazard memory bank of writing incessantly about my life, my experiences, and love (if you can even call it that). I've left it all here these past 5 years. It honestly felt like a big bang at the start of it all that slowly fleeted into a wincing shimmer. One to two posts a week, then months, then years, and out of nowhere. The universe happened.

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wasted sleep

Jul. 31st, 2010 | 02:13 am
Feeling: awake
Listening to: Gravity - John Mayer

When Søren Kierkegaard spoke about angst, he was speaking about a most profound fear. A fear of which can't be quelled, and insomuch as one spends sleepless nights feeling that anguish -- I suppose, as with most other aspects of life, the amount of wasted sleep depends upon the measure of one's fear. The angst that keeps one from taking refuge in dreams, and yet another wasted night, spent on wasted sleep.

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Jun. 23rd, 2010 | 11:08 am
Feeling: lethargic
Listening to: Thunder

Each moment is as holy as the one that follows. For some, one moment is more auspicious than another, but to me, they're all relative. I view them as contiguous, free-flowing, and worth remembering.

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May. 23rd, 2010 | 05:40 pm
Feeling: congested
Listening to: F.I.L.O. (feat. Shing02) - Nujabes

The summer could not have come at a more perfect time. A busy semestre full of not-so-superfluous textbook readings, and a slew of countless tests can all be safely tucked away for the remainder of the few moments it takes to catch my breath. I'm taking an online course at MTSU for the summer, and if I'm lucky, I'll save myself a few moments of sunshine, and hopefully bring myself to penning another chapter in this wonderful reprise of summer.

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Apr. 27th, 2010 | 11:01 pm
Feeling: sleepy
Listening to: airconditioner


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Lunch with a Mermaid

Apr. 22nd, 2010 | 07:53 pm
Feeling: optimistic
Listening to: Live Forever - Oasis

Sitting here awhile, and coalescing the same vestigial intrigue for one another has always made the food taste better. At least, that's the lie I tell myself whenever I'm here with you. Sort of like when Murakami wrote about Kafka, and how, if given the chance, my alter ego would reassure myself of no greater person to have lunch with, than a friend from which closeness can only be defined in terms of the position of our silverware, in a never ending dance of garlic mashed potatoes and a spicy Cajun meatloaf.

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Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Apr. 11th, 2010 | 11:38 pm
Feeling: melancholy
Listening to: Waltz in C Sharp Minor - F.F. Chopin

As much as I'd like to deny it, there is much loneliness in knowing that everything isn't working out quite so wonderfully as I would have liked it to. However, there is no denying that life somehow always sprouts from the undergrowth, and when tested, grows much more resiliently than before. Lesson learned.

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Bokeh Nights

Mar. 30th, 2010 | 10:57 am
Feeling: refreshed
Listening to: Start Again (feat. TOKiMONSTA) - Shing02

And so here we are, watching as the rain dances quite exuberantly with the bokeh on the other side of the window. Night photography is so much more interesting to me. I think low light is sexy.

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1,000,000 - 1

Mar. 28th, 2010 | 01:37 pm
Feeling: awake
Listening to: Ami - Nobuo Uematsu

Whenever I'm in Hong Kong, or any other big city, I always like to think that I'll somehow bump into someone I know, and for a few brief moments, make the city seem a lot less crowded. People say you can spot a familiar face in a crowd of more than a hundred people. I like to think that I have good odds, and if I walk around long enough, I'm bound to bump into someone.

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My Strawberry Nights

Feb. 27th, 2010 | 01:53 pm
Feeling: peaceful
Listening to: La Bamba - Khalil Fong

I am, in many ways, a child of the night. The world's much more interesting after hours, in my opinion. Maybe I'm just a sucker for mystery, but there's always something about darkness and light that's much more intimate. The kinds of things I go through just to spend a few fleeting hours wishing that the light won't change. And on a side note, trying to keep those strawberry nights memorable. Wong Kar Wai can keep the blueberries.

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Sweet Incivility

Feb. 9th, 2010 | 09:45 pm
Feeling: awake
Listening to: Sleep - Azure Ray

Just when you couldn't accommodate another dreadful thought. The light changed, and suddenly the world wasn't so dreadful. And how unfortunate I would be had it otherwise been not. Such sweet incivility.

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The Statistics of Fate

Feb. 6th, 2010 | 11:07 pm
Feeling: groggy
Listening to: The Nearness of You - Norah Jones

On an island of approximately 175,000 people, I find it difficult for anyone to believe in fate or soul mates. Macrocosmically speaking, we live in a world of over 6 billion people. What are the odds everyone will meet their soulmate? What if your soulmate doesn't even speak the same language as you? What if your soulmate lives worlds apart from where you can even begin to imagine?

If you ask me, people settle for who they think is their soulmate based on convenience. Their significant other just happens to be conveniently there at the right time and place. And because airfare is expensive, and because we can't possibly take all the time in the world to find that special someone, settling is just as fine. But don't call it fate. Unless you like to be irrational, just like love is.

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Truth Dwelling

Feb. 3rd, 2010 | 11:50 pm
Feeling: awake
Listening to: Singalongsong - Khalil Fong

If I could scour these streets for a measly pence of truth, I'd walk a little more safely at night knowing that a measly pence could be spent on something useful. Unfortunately, life doesn't always have a value menu.

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Time Management

Jan. 25th, 2010 | 10:48 pm
Feeling: exhausted
Listening to: Nothing's Gonna Change My Love For You - Khalil Fong

It's another one of those semestres, and just like every year, it's busier than ever before. I still am the procrastination king. Time management is on my big list of things to work on. And then some.

The squid agrees.

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The Times They Are A-Changin'

Jan. 21st, 2010 | 09:00 pm
Feeling: apathetic
Listening to: Mr. Tambourine Man - Bob Dylan

It's always been my comfort zone. Watching the world from the vantage point of the other side of a large cafe window. It's much nicer from that side.

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Everything's Going to be Bananas

Jan. 19th, 2010 | 10:09 pm
Feeling: bananas
Listening to: Everyday I Have the Blues - B.B. King

I'm feeling very yellow, and I'm not quite sure what that means. But classes start tomorrow and I'm feeling extra productive, so I thought I'd update this journal. Sporadic at best.

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A Night of Laughter and Forgetting

Jan. 17th, 2010 | 01:07 pm
Feeling: mellow
Listening to: Heart Sounds (for my class)

Dinner is only as good as the company you keep around you, and perhaps, only as good as the light will permit. But all things are good in pizza, pasta, and a never ending delusion that my madness is fed by my friends.

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Doing As the Romans

Jan. 12th, 2010 | 11:20 pm
Feeling: sleepy
Listening to: Hope - Jack Johnson

Or in my case, doing as the Filipinos. Dinner at Harbour City! Love the lights. I could see myself hanging out there all the time if I lived in Manila.

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Freshness Morning

Jan. 8th, 2010 | 02:17 pm
Feeling: bored
Listening to: This City - Plaid

Inviting you to a restaurant is just my way of getting a hundred different photos of you. Get used to the harrassment. :)

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50mm prime

Dec. 6th, 2009 | 10:15 pm
Feeling: green tea
Listening to: The Middle - Jimmy Eat World

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HK, Noir et Blanc

Nov. 22nd, 2009 | 06:25 pm
Feeling: cold
Listening to: Who Says - John Mayer

This place is beautiful in black and white! Hope everyone's well!

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noir et blanc kind of evening

Nov. 11th, 2009 | 10:58 pm
Feeling: water
Listening to: Cocksucker Blues - The Rolling Stones feat. Sugar Blue

I'm really dreading these last few weeks of the semester. What a pain in the ass.

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Family Style Servings

Nov. 2nd, 2009 | 11:30 pm
Feeling: oolong tea
Listening to: Goodbye Melody Rose - Khalil Fong

Whenever I feel frustrated with an untimely lack of inspiration, I think of the countless Chinese dinners I've had, and how the experience itself isn't solitary and apart from everyone else. It's family style servings, and they're mean't to be shared. 我今晚更想吃中国菜。

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Narrowing the Aperture

Nov. 1st, 2009 | 09:05 pm
Feeling: barley tea
Listening to: You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift

I've recently given ample thought to doing short films as an aside to photography. The idea of Adrian the filmmaker has always been on my bucket list. However, just like the unfinished patio that some men start but never finish, I'm at wits with myself to come up with a story, albeit, a very short, pithy recreation of fiction that nevertheless has all the makings of a low budget short film for the inexperienced college filmmaker. My goal is to complete the film for entry into the next SF Asian American Film Festival. Let's see what the year of the tiger brings me. Good luck good luck!!

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If Only For the Inspiration

Oct. 23rd, 2009 | 12:15 am
Feeling: tired
Listening to: Who Says - John Mayer

I was tempted to fall in love, if only for the inspiration. But I thought of what a terrible abuse that would be, of a feeling I've yet to experience. Between that second glass of wine, before the untapered conversation that followed, I was tempted to fall in love, if only for the inspiration. But I thought of what a terrible waste that would be, of a woman I've yet to meet.

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Chicken Soup for Uninspired Lovers

Oct. 20th, 2009 | 10:50 pm
Feeling: sleepy
Listening to: I'll Be Your Baby Tonight - Norah Jones

I like to think that for every bowl of soup I have on campus, I save myself from another wasted lunch, talking to just another somebody about my short term dreams and aspirations, my favourite colour, what movies I'm into, or how I like my peanut butter. I like to think that my life is a little more than the salty soup and tofu. I'm partial to the bean sprouts, and if you enjoy my company, we'll share a bowl together, and find the time, to lose ourselves in this flimsy plastic bowl of instant noodles.

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